2 For behold, it came to pass that in the beginning of the seventh month (for it had been seven months since the coming of Alicia, and such was the reckoning of the sister), that many ears were opened and hearts softened as the prophets of the Lord did speak unto us concerning the state of our souls. The spirit of the Lord shone round about us and we did sing songs of praise unto his name. For behold, the voice of the Lord God did pierce our hearts and we were taught the ways of heaven, for which we rejoice and will give thanks unto him forever. I was taught in the ways of the Lord concerning family, endurance, and love. For if we cleave unto the eternal perspective of family and life, and depart from the evils of titles and electronic devices, than shall our joy be full.
3 But, alas, for the power of the evil one! For it was not long past that this humble servant of the Lord did stumble into the greatest of temptation! My eye was diverted from the strait and narrow path to the checkout line and beheld, to my utmost horror and great astonishment, that the Battle of the Five Armies is already on DVD! Great is my wo, for behold, I did hold in my hands that which is most sweet, yet my soul grieves, for behold, mine eyes shall not behold that which is within for a great many months. It cuts me to the very core, and I weep bitterly.
4 But I shall press on in the work of the Lord, for when this time is over I shall have my reward, and great shall be my joy therein.